Yesterday, we had makan-makan on Dan’s side. The first problem of the day happened when Ana and Esya protested about being sent home, asking why can’t they come for the makan-makan too.
I felt so bad but can’t take them because this is Dan’s family’s occasion. They pouted and hugged themselves and when I let them inside Tok’s house, they stomped all the way upstairs.
I feel so wretched. They are my kids too but well… if I can’t, I can’t, yeah ?
So today, my darlings Babah promised to take us to Subway, okay ?
The second bad thing happened while we were already at the restaurant. I noticed my little girl's happy face turned sullen. In fact she had her head on her still empty plate. Aku tanya dia sengap, muka seposen. Tanya and tanya still no answer. When I went to her to dish out food, she suddenly started crying, the silent one which indicates that the hati got terguris a bit. Apparently she felt left out because on her left, cousin Hannah was whispering with cousin Aida and on her right, cousin Dahlya was happily talking to cousin Harith.
She felt ignored, tak de orang nak kawan dengan dia. Sian Mummy tengok.
So what to do but invited her to exchange seats with Harith which is next to mine. She refused. But when I had wanted to leave, she wouldn’t let me go. So again, I asked her to follow me to my seat. Tak nak..
While this was going on, ayaq mata tu dok berjurai-jurai turun and everybody was looking at her, her cousins and her uncles and aunties and her grandparents. Plus her brother and her father, with a deep frown on his face.
I asked her to join me again (and again and again and again), but she refused. So be it lah. Aku memang tak nak layan sangat benda-benda macam ni. Janganlah ketegaq sangat kan. Taulah hang dok sebek, tapi Mummy dah panggey tu, mai lah ikut. However as I was about to leave her and re-join my husband, Dan’s sister ordered her son to shift to my place, Dahlya to Harith’s place, leaving me to sit at Dahlya’s chair, next to her.
Then she said, “Dalam hal ni, Mak kena lah mengalah…”
And aku adalah tak suka. Because I was not allowed to handle the situation my way.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand that she just wanted to help. That is another story.
My story here is, I do not tolerate that kind of behaviour. She is my child and therefore she listens to me. It is not the other way around. This is not about power but about respect and listening to your elders, to your parents.
By wanting to return to my seat, I was hoping to tell her that I do not like what she was doing. Crying or throwing tantrums in public like that while people are trying to be merry, trying to have a good time just don’t wash. Have you no shame ? Have you no regard for other people’s mood and feelings ? Some people would say “Come on she is 6 so give her a break…” Yes true, sure she is 6 and therefore this is when I impart my wisdom and knowledge on good behaviour and faux pases (can I pluralise a French word ?). Abiding to her whims, during bad behaviour is condoning it. It will be a bit hard to do so when she is 16. Melentur buluh biarlah dari rebungnya.
Furthermore, it was in front of food at that. My parents have very clear view on the ways and the hows when you are in front of rezeki. No crying and no fighting and just eat whever that is on your plate. Tak baik marah-marah, nangis-nangis depan makanan. I want to teach my children that too, table manners and more importantly what not to do at a party, i.e. crying. Ha ha !
Bukan aku tak kesian. Sure I do. If she had followed me to my seat, I would have hugged her to my side, and pujuk dia and geletek-geletek dia a bit. If all else fails, I would have taken her out of the restaurant for a time out. But then, she would have had a some notion (clear or blurried) that she had done wrong. I would have had the opportunity to explain it to her while she is still doing it. While it still fresh and raw.
And no matter what you do, no matter how angry you are, you follow Mummy and Babah. Not the other way around.
I just do not reward bad behaviour with acquiescence, by giving in as then when will she learn ? That is so wrong. She has to know what she did is not right. If she didn’t know it before (she is only 6, plenty of time to make mistakes ), she knows it now. It is my job to raise her to be a lady with a sense of propriety, yang solehah dan muslimah and simply polite.
I have seen enough rude children who turned into ungrateful adults. Aku pernah dengar ada orang bagitau mak aku, “Zaman sekarang, bukan anak dengar cakap kita tapi kita yang dengar cakap anak…” Astargfirullahaladzim. Look, I once read that one of the small signs of the apocalypse is children who rule their parents. That is a translation of ‘Ibu bapa yang bertuankan anak’ but in English it is put as ‘A slave who gives birth to her master’. Doesn’t that sound bad ?
This is my way and I am not writing an entry on how to raise your child. I am writing on how I am raising mine. I am hoping by doing this I am not breeding ingrates and orang perasan yang ingat the world revolves around them. I have seen enough of this type of people and their parents to know that it could happen. Aku tak nak when I finally realised what a horror my children are, it will already be too late.
I have to teach my kids and that is that. For now, she has to listen to me as that is how the world works. Allah suruh pun. There will be one day when we will be of equal footing, but still she has to respect me as her syurga is bawah my tapak kaki. There will be times when I would be wrong but then if I have raised her right, she would tell me gently and not proudly dengan suara macam guruh. And for her to get there, I have to guide her. She has to move her seat, not me.
