Biskut

This morning a little boy told me, “You know dekat sekolah Adik ada budak yang akhlak dia sangat buruk…”

Fuu-yoh… Akhlak buruk ? He he…

“Sapa ?”

“It’s her friend, H… Just now Adik told me she likes to take Adik’s food ! So Adik selalu go hungry !” He spoke with sooo much feeling, his fists was clenched.

Well this is not new to me. Adik complained about H once and to solve her problem, I packed in more food enough to share.

It doesn’t seem like it is working from the sound of it.

“I told her to stop giving her food buuuttt… H tu ingat dia boss kat sekolah tu so nanti dia merajuk saja….” Abang habih geram. Dengan memek muka, dengan nada suara…marah betul lah tu.

“But I told Adik to ignore her Mummy… Adik cannot give her food anymore and marah budak tu balik…”

I didn’t say anything because in my head I was thinking, “Bukan budak ni ke minggu lepas menangis (Yes…. Cried one) sebab kawan-kawan suka makan bekal dia ?”

Really… tak tipu !

Last week Abang whined, sambil tu ayaq mata dok keluaq “Mummy… I am so hungry ! Because kan my friends like to eat my food… ! Tadi kan saya punya makanan kan tinggal satu aje….”

“He he… ye ke…. ?”

“Iya…. “ Masa ni dah start wiping away his tears dah. “Sampai saya hungry ni !”

“Never mind, once in a while kan…”

“Taakkk…. They always take my food. Saya selalu dapat makan satu saja…. “ Because they have heavy breakfasts, my children only take biscuits to school.

“Oh… ye ke ?”

“Yes….. They usually bring money kan and then they always beli nasi lemak lah apa lah… but they always eat my food….”

“He he………. Maybe they take your biscuits as desserts kot ?” I said, mentally reminding myself to pack in more biccies in his box tomorrow.

“Errm…. Mummy can you take me to Tok Mi’s shop ? Saya teringing lah nak makan nasi lemak… Sedap dekat kedai Tok Mi….” he asked while wiping his huge eyes that right then looked so adorable and innocent what with the huge size and its watery condition… Macam Bambi.

Awww………..

Lupa dah pasal kawan kebas biskut at the prospect of nasi lemak.

Apalah Abang ni.

Prove It !

“I am useless, Abang !” Adik announced with a sad pout. She was sitting cross legged in front of the Monopoly board but when she made her very tragic announcement, she stood on her knees.

Sigh… Menyesal rasanya beli. Abang had his Hari Sukan on Saturday and when I went to pick him up, he begged for a game of Monopoly at RM 15. I thought it costs about RM 100 to RM 200 ? Curious I went to check it out and it was indeed RM 15.

Considering it was sooo cheap, I let him talked me into buying one, the reason it was cheap because it was a fake didn’t cross my mind at all. Who knew there were counterfeit Monopoly ?

Anyway, they spent their time playing it and it was like their 3rd game when Adik gave up.

“No… you are not useless… Don’t say that…” Abang pujuk sambil bangun to pick up apa benda ntah yang Adik campak in frustration.

“No ! I am useless !!”

“No, no… don’t say that, okay ?” Said Abang, with his saccharine sweet smile and kind face which comes out during critical times.

“But… you said I’m useless …”

‘What ? No I didn’t !” He protested.

“Yes ! You did. Hari tu … you said I’m useless !”

He he…. Agaknya dia dah teringat kot so he glanced at me worriedly. I in turn looked away, pretending to be busy inspecting my nails.

“No…. I didn’t… mana ada…. I never said that…..” Fuuhh.. smooth talker. Cakap sikit punya lembut.

“Prove it..” Adik responded.

Ha ? Bukan sahaja Abang Ha.. Mummy pun Ha sekali.

“Prove to me that you never said that….!”

Eh ? I looked at Abang. His face was perplexed, mind racing on how to give Adik what she wants, because Mummy was nearby and withing striking and nagging distance.

“I never said that. I don’t remember at all !”

“Prove it !” She challenged again.

“Mana ada…. Okay.. let’s forget it okay and I will help you okay ? Adik pandai main… okay ?”

Heh… Terer jugak mamat ni.

Abang's Field Trip

“Mummy… cikgu cakap kita boleh bawak barang berharga for this trip…” Abang announced like for the 20th time.

And for the 20th time I asked, “Like what ?”

Abang is scheduled to go for a field trip to Pusat Sains Negara. He talked non-stop about it and everyday he came back with pieces of news about the trip.

But he made references about the barang berharga frequently.

‘Entah lah….” He said, shrugging his shoulders, trying to look nonchalant.

“Cikgu hang nak hang pakai berlian Mummy ke masa trip tu ? Itu barang berharga lah tu…”

He he…..saja je. I need to shock him a bit before I can wheedle out his real menaing behind barang berharga tu.

“Mummy !! No lah !!... Barang berharga maksudnya Gameboy and benda-benda macam tu lah…”

Aaah…itulah sebenarnya…

Of course le Mak tak bagi. Mintak maap ye. One of the best things about going on a field trip is the bus ride. Enjoy that. You will miss it if your eyes are glued to the Gameboy.

Anyway, I picked him up and helped sent his best friend A home. I have met A a few times but had never conversed with him.

Rupanya, patut le depa best friend. Sebijik macam Abang and their other best friend D.

“Is this your mother, Abang ?” He asked, finger pointing at me.

Amboi haii…. Cute huh ?

Anyway, in the car I asked about their day.

“Ooh…. We had loads of fun…. We saw a lot of inventions !” A offered in perfect English. And then both of them fought to tell me the best bits of the trip.

Then A pointed to Abang’s chest where a huge badge was pinned on his pocket. I noticed that earlier because none of his friends had it on them.

“Abang got this because he answered a question during the science show…”

Very typical of him. I expected nothing less. Dia ni memang suka menyerah diri.

“But…. He he… I think he changed his mind because when he stood up he looked like he wanted to cry….” A revealed some more.

“Really Abang ? Why lah ?” I asked with a laugh.

‘Because macam ada ramai orang …tiba-tiba I got embarrassed !”

He he….

Abang's Sports Day

For the last 3 weeks, Abang’s school stopped their co-curricular activities, replacing them with sports practice and preparations.

When I picked up Abang last week he was in a jovial mood.

“Mummy… kalau hari sukan kan, kita ada mascot… A mascot is … blah blah blah (explaining apa kemendanya mascot untuk mak dia yang tak pi sekolah ni…). So kan… Mummy I have a secret ! He he… I was helping the teachers and the girls buat the mascot and you know what…. Teacher said our rumah merah punya mascot is Iron Man. HAHAHAH… Tapi sebenarnya kan, lady bird !!! They don’t want to tell the budak-budak laki takut budak-budak laki tak nak pakai ….”

He he…. Mummy pun gelak gak…. Tapi kan.. err… aren’t you one of the boys too ? But then never mind, probably he wouldn’t be the one wearing the costume. Until on the day of the sukan itself and I saw him in this,

Err… hehehehehehhe…..

But kan… Errrmmm.………. Ini ladybird ? Ada antenna tu ? Lady bird ada antenna ke ? Ada ke ? Ye ke ? Ini bukan butterfly ?

Aiseh...

Gini ceritanya.

CT sms-ed Mummy reminding her to pick Abang from school.

Okaylah. 1pm Mummy tagged out, drove to the school and parked her car.

Read her book awhile, air-cond blasting right on her face because the day was too damn hot.

1.22pm Mummy got out of the car and joined a regular mother who waits for her child below a very shady tree. Usually there where the three of them but today she was alone. Chatted until she saw her son and they parted ways.

It was already 1.40 and Mummy’s boy tak keluar-keluar lagi.

As usual Mummy panicked and started to thump her feet.

She looked intently at the small side gate, willing for her boy to come out, hoping the next student to emerge from the school belongs to her.

Nada.

She tried picturing Abang that very morning. Strangely she can’t. She kept seeing him wrapped in a towel.

She looked again but her son’s face eluded her vision.

And she still failed to conjure up the image of Abang in his uniform from the morning.

Then…

Oooohhh………..

She turned around, mightily embarrassed I might add, to get to her car.

The friend she said goodbye to not 5-10 minutes ago was just about to motor her car out of the carpark. Mummy ducked and hid behind a tree.

When the coast is clear, she ran to the car, hoping other parents would not wonder why she is alone.

At her car, she saw her son’s classmate waiting for his parent.

“D… Abang datang sekolah tak hari ni ?” Mulut gatai. But really just wanna make sure.

D frowned and looked at her as though she is crazy. He then shook his head, the cue for Mummy to quickly jump into the car and roar her way out of her humiliation.

She went home just to make sure that her beloved Abang is indeed safe and well.

“Abang !” She yelled as soon as she entered the house.

Abang came running with his palm up and scrunched. His face was messy with lunch. He never looked so beautiful.

“What ?? What is wrong ?”

“I went to pick you up at school….” Was the sheepish reply.

He tercengang a bit, face wondering before he finally got the full picture. He smiled and laughed.

“Mummy ni……”

Yeah…. Hai…… Mummy ni…..

That is the question... Not the Hamlet kind though...

Rupanya, membaca juga boleh membawa kepada kesusahan..... Maybe I should vet the newspapers first before he reads them ?

-

I found quite a lot of mothers lamenting about their children talking or asking about sex.. or things that associated with sex. I have written this entry like 2 weeks before, left it hanging for some reason, and now well…. just to let the mothers out there know that I have not been spared from this predicament too.

*Neither did my dad. I once asked him what a virgin means, after listening to good ol’ Madonna, the robber of innocence. His stunned face and very rigid head shake made me reached for my dictionary. Ha….. but it didn’t properly satisfy my curiosity though. Dictionary.. I should have reached for the encyclopaedia… Although do not think the Children’s Encyclopaedia Britannica would want to discuss the topic much, or indeed at all.

In my observation, nowadays children are exposed to sex at a very young age. Once, we opened the door to our room to see Abang and Adik playing Wii. “Were you guys having sex ?” Abang asked dengan selamba badaknya, his concentration on the game did not waver at all, like he just asked us “Were you guys shampooing your hair ?”

Ha…. Saja nak kena belasah.

“Where did you learn to ask us that ?”

“Friends….” Was the teary replied.

Just to let you know, Friends as in Monica and Chandler and Ross and Pheobe and Rachel and Joey have been banned. For 1 day. Because Mummy cannot live without her repeats of Friends.

Well you see there is no point banning Friends because other shows talked about sex too. And for some reason, yeah it is a very beguiling subject to children.

Well probably because it is talked about with hushed tones, or it is usually implied instead of spoken out loud. So I think that piqued their interest more than anything. You know how sexier it is wearing a tight baju kebaya than a full frontal nudity ? He he… probably… I dunno. Am not male.

Like one day we were watching “What About Jim”. I have totally forgotten what the storyline was but they kept calling sex ‘IT’, in the context like after IT or do you want IT or whatever lah but IT was mentioned a lot and I didn’t realize that the little people who weren’t in the joke could get so annoyed for not knowing what IT really was.

“What is IT ?” Abang asked out loud, frustration obvious by his tightly clenched fist, after like the thousandth IT was mentioned by Jim Belushi and co.

He he….

And since he likes to ask, I ran away before he put me in the spot.

Another time when he put us both in trouble was when he talked about his favourite book, a detailed encyclopaedia on how the intestines and other organs in the stomach work. It is a very good book, using simple English and colourful pictures to explain the human body. Very unfortunate that I could not find the rest of the human body of that series as Abang is very interested in anatomy and therefore he reads the sole book cover to cover, many times over.

Anyway, apparently he brought the book to school last month or so, showing it to his regular kakis A, D1 and D2.

Oh, and this conversation happened in the car while his Babah was driving making it extremely difficult for us to run.

“Mummy…. Dalam buku tu kan it shows right perempuan kan… the mothers kan ada eggs in their stomach. And then there are like million and millions of sperms swimming to the eggs…”

While I groaned inwardly, I could hear Babah stiffened. He he… Aiyoo lah… have you seen 2 more cowardly people than us ?

“The girl sperm is yellow and the boy sperm is orange…” Ha ? Ye ke ?

“And then kan….” He went on oblivious to the fact that he made his parents sweat like they were in the Sahara.

“Only one of the sperm can get in the egg… and then if it was the orange sperm, the egg will become a baby boy.. like me…. And if it was the yellow sperm, it will become a baby girl like Adik…”

Please stop, please stop, please stop… Please don’t ask me anything. Please don’t ask the obvious, please, please, please….

“But kan Mummy…. What we would like to know is, where did the sperm came from ? That was the question…..”

Alahai… alahai.. help me ! Help me ! Help me !

“Me and my friends kan have been thinking and thinking where the sperm came from … but we just don’t know !” He said with a laugh.

Can I just get away with keeping shtoom ? I have gotten into trouble before because of my inability to shut my trap so I should really have learnt my lesson by now.

“Do you know ?”

Errrk !

“Ummm…. Maybe it is in the mother’s body ? I don’t really know lah……”

“Yalah… we thought so too…. But from where ?”

Yeah… this is one scientific journey I am not going with you yet, okay ? You have to wait for your mammy to mature a bit.…. ha ha…

But then kan, why me ? Why can’t his Babah ?

" You know, a lot of people suka sangat buang baby Mummy ? And then kan they always throw the babies in the same way, put the baby in a basket kan and then leave a note.... " Hmm.... well.... that is the Disney version my darling. If what you said is really true, then the world is much more bearable than what it is now...

My wee girl...

Adik and her Disney diary book. Sibuk nar nak diary. Her eyes positively lit up when she saw the lock attached to the diary. He he.... Teringat my own when I was a teenager. Because of the flimsy lock that came with it, I changed it into a real metal padlock. There were loads of stuffs about Kamil kan.... ha ha.. like how dreamy he looked, or how we held hands that day ... Auwwwww... So I had to take an extreme measure for Kamil's own safety....

.

Anyway Bapak aku terbuntang mata nengok padlock tu. Tak puas hati giler dia. "Awat teruk sangat ni, hey ?" He asked, shaking the book, the lock jiggling with every shake. "Tulih apa ni ?" And after that, I sometimes saw him eyeing the book longingly. Huh, now I know ropa-ropanya dialah yang paling aktif baca diari aku. Tak boleh percaya langsung !

.

Back to present time, this wee one pun dapat-dapat terus tulih. My hubby was craning his neck to see what she wrote. He he..... Hai... My father always say that I will get what I deserve !

Err... Bapak please take that back !!!

Ya Allah please spare me from..... mini me !!!

Whenever there is time, she would open it up and start scribbling. She allowed me to read the first few entries. The very first one was "Today is the best week ever !" Hah ! Dah today, awat lak week ? Mummy terus pangkah !! Diary pun tak selamat from your mother's grammar policing, okay ?

.

Anyway, a few hours after reading it, she asked, "Mummy, is a diary supposed to be special ?" Err..... I suppose so. "Is it supposed to be a secret ?" Hmmmm............... well..... it could be (I was reluctant to tell the truth sebab takut satgi dia tak mo bagi baca... he heh). "Then..... why did you read my diary ? You cannot read it anymore !!!" Dah..... jadi dah... start dah.....

But... Mummy is very adept at pujuk memujuk so she let me read it again. Imagine the mirth welling inside me when I saw this ;

"Ohh... this book is not a secret book. Everybody can read this...." I announced. She wasn't happy to hear that of course. "Why ?" He he.... "Because this is a milk book... See.. dairy book... Not diary !!" KAH KAH KAH KAH !

.

I had wanted to see if she wrote about why she was so scared of the Disney characters. I dunno where she got the idea that they are gonna eat her. I know she was scared of the A&W bear but that was when she was 2-3 ! My baby girl was only comfortable with Pooh, okay. She was even scared of the princesses.

See ?

Not in the picture. She was present in our family picture with Mickey but even that one she was quite far off from him.

Not here either eventhough this guy looked very human.

Scared of Terk too (all this while I thought his/her name was Turd.. My bad....)

And Buzz ! He is the good guy okay ? I would have understood if it was Zorg !

Look at this ! Crouching during the boat ride in Safari Land. Mat Salleh kat sebelah was so amused, they took her picture. She was scared of this;

Burning cave.

She was even more spooked with the smokes. When I asked why, she said she was scared of being burnt.

.

Hmm... I thought Abang was the Safety Inspector in the family. Apparently it rubbed on her, too.

.

But.... funny story about her..

.

Abang was tired of trooping around Fantasyland. When we approached Abang and Babah who were sitting outside the loo we visited, Abang announced, "It is my turn now ! I want to go to Adventureland !". The little missy tired with Abang's constant whining probably answered with, "Yeah, yeah.. whatever !"

.

Almost immediately we heard a shout of laughter and it came from the mat salleh sitting next to Abang. He was laughing and giving fond looks at Adik. OMG ! Babah and I was soooo embarrassed. "She is precious, isn't she ?" He asked. I was at lost for words, I couldn't think of anything to say so I just smiled at him. And as we walked, I gave her one smart smack on her bum.

Maybe she wrote about it in her diary. I had better check !

Masalah belum selesai....

I picked Abang from school yesterday before going for my meeting.

In the car, ada van lalu sebelah dia lambai. “Kawan saya Zubaidah, Mummy….”.

Okay… “I have a lot of friends, Mummy. Girls and boys….”

“Of course….”

Then lalu pulak kete lain. Lambai lagi. “Normah, Mummy…”

He he… but I just nodded my head.

“I have a lot of friends….. “

“Yes … I know…. I want you to have loads of friends. Girls and boys…..”

He smiled, I smiled.

Then aku kan, I just had to say something. I mean why do I never learn and just keep my mouth shut ? Why ? Why ?

“It is okay for you to have friends… even girls…. “ Itulah permulaan mukadimah mak yang gataaaallll nak bukak mulut ni.

“It is also okay for you to like a girl… It is normal to fall in love…. I wouldn’t be angry if you do….”

He smiled and nodded his head. I smiled tenderly at him at first, then felt a bit susah hati… as I felt I needed to add a few cautionary advice.

“But… it is a bit young for you to have a girlfriend now…. You know, you are only ten….”

“Yeah… I know that…..”

“I mean it is perfectly normal if you like somebody, but you know you don’t have to tell her about it. You can tell me…. But don’t tell her lah….. You are still young…”

“Okay…” He said, nodding his head happily.

Fuuuhh…. Lega.

But then…, “So…… when am I allowed to have a girlfriend….?”

Sigh….. I should have known this will come.

“Err….. Babah had a girlfriend when he was 16 - 17… which was me. So…. I suppose that could be the right age…..”

He nodded thoughfully. “Form berapa tu, Mummy ?”

“Form 5…. Provided if you are responsible enough lah… Not neglecting your studies, not going out sampai malam-malam… Err… ingat kat Tuhan……”

“Yes… okay…. But I have to have a girlfriend, Mummy because I do not want to be lonely….”

Awww….. my little boy, my little boy…… Not so little now are you ? I wish I didn’t know that… I need you to be a baby a while longer.

“Also, I would need somebody if I want to have a child of my own… I want to be a father ..”

Eh ?

I thought only little girls dream about pushing prams and what-nots. But boys ?

“You will make sure you are married first though before you become a father, right ?”

Waaahhh ! Takutnya !

“Is it against the law to have children before you get married ?”

“It is against Allah’s law ! And His law is the most important one ever !”

Why am I having this conversation now ? It’s waaayyy too early and I haven’t prepared myself yet !!!!!!!