Apa benda ntah

“Mummy what is the meaning of answers and sensors ?” Asked Elsa one day.

“What ? Say it again ?”

“Answer and sensors. It’s a bad word, you know…”

Err…. Really ? Say it again, please.

“Answers and sensors… You cannot say it because it is a bad word…” He he… dia baru cakap takpa… But then answers and sensors sound innocent enough to me. Aku kot yang salah dengar. But before I could ask for a repeat, Umar interjected, “Mana ada. It is not a bad word !”

“Yes it is ! Mr Crab said so !” Laa… buang masa aku aje Mr Crab ni.

“Mr Crab is stupid Elsa. They are not bad words !!!” Kata abangnya naik hot. Apalah Umar ni, benda kecik pun nak marah.

“Yeah… but stiiilll…” Elsa answered, complete with head cocked to one side, eyebrows raised.

Comel lah ko ni…

Ana buat gempaq

Last week I was talking to my mother on the phone when we were interrupted by a loud sobbing at Mummy’s side.

Ana was wailing and I mean howling y’all. I heard a loud “Waaaaaaaaa !” followed by “Toookkkkk !! Ayah buat shaya !!!!!”

Tok asked why and in between sobs she explained, “Ayah nak geget tangan shaya. Lepas tu Ayah nak potong tangan shaya !!!”

I who was listening to the other side got rather panicked because her cries were so loud and she sounded I don’t know… I can’t explain it. Whatever it is it was enough to make me clutched my phone tighter and almost pushed it in inside my head. Punya drama. Then I heard my brother’s voice.

Rupa-rupanya begini, ada selumbar masuk dalam jari dia so the Ayah was trying to get it out with his teeth. Itu yang dia kata Ayah nak geget dia. And then when she made so much noise, Ayah threatened to cut off her hand bagi senang.

He he….. Cara menangis macam dah kena dera tahap gaban dah lah.

Then Tok pujuk. She said, “Ana kena lah bagi buat ni kalau tak nanti malam-malam Ana tidur sakit… Nyut, nyut, nyut….ha….”

Tak jadi as she wailed louder. “Toookkkkk ! Janganlah cakap nyut, nyut, nyut !!!!”

He he…..

My kids who were with me of course demanded to know what the fuss was all about. I started of like this, “Ana kan jari dia masuk… alah sometimes macam kayu tu dekat jari dia.. She was crying like gila-gila sebab Mamu nak geget pastu nak potong tangan dia… that was what she said lah… Tapi….”, here I was interrupted by Umar.

“What ? For splinters ? Can’t Mamu use like a tweezers or something ?” Berkerut-kerut muka abang yang memang over-protective ni. “Why must he cut her hand ? Why can’t he just use tweezers ? That is a bit too much. Mamu ni kadang-kadang suka je buat benda-benda extreme….” He shook his head then looked outside the opened window, like his mind was trying to reach Ana nun jauh kat sek 8 sana.

Hai… sampai ke situ pulak dia ni. Then come Elsa’s question that managed to put a stop to my attempt to paint a more correct picture to Umar. She asked, “Mummy…..” her eyes big and worried. “How did Ana get kayu in her jari ? Kayu kan besar kan…. How Mummy ? How ?”

Sigh…. Which one to tackle first ? Which one ?

Hari yang penuh emo..

Hari ni Umar pergi ambik hadiah. I am proud. Of course.

I think I was emotional from the very beginning when he first told me. So this morning, I woke up with a lot of feelings and emotions.

While seated and waiting for the ceremony to start, I heard the sounds of kompang. I do not know about you, but I looooovvee kompang. To me, kompang signifies grandeur, celebration, very Malay, very us, very Malaysian.

Kompang boys.

Foolishly I shed a few very, very unnecessary tears when I saw handsome boys in light blue baju Melayu, in a line, hitting their kompangs. Have I ever told you how I find my husband the sexiest when he is in baju Melayu ?

Then I saw my niece in her purple robe, ready for her graduation. I jumped out of my seat, and ran to her, giving her hugs and kisses. And aku yang memang emotional almost meraung because… well… because you know why.

Nur Aleesya.

I hugged her, and told her how proud I am with her and was just trying to make her feel the motherly pride I had. Just trying to fill in the gap her beautiful mother left.

I kept seeing Shera there. Busy pulling this, and smoothing that so I did the same. I laughed because I knew she would be laughing, and I kissed her because I knew Esya would be kissed so many, many times.

I tried my best so that my little girl wouldn’t feel the void.

I kept hearing her shouting in delight if she saw me, “Ala ! Ala ! Tengok tu Esya, Mami Ala tuh !”

I knew her too well to know what she was going to say. She is wonderful kan ? Sigh…. Best not talk about it anymore.

Anyway, so Umar went to take his certificate. He looked so handsome, my baby boy.

Waiting for his turn.

Babah and Mummy are sooo proud of you.

This picture was taken by Faiz Hakim who came for his daughter's pre-school graduation and... got the best student prize. Congrats Faiz !

Dah makan dah ?

I have noticed that my daughter has a very loving and thoughtful nature

You know how we send our maid away on weekends. Sabtu pagi hantar, Ahad petang or malam ambik.

And everytime, everytime Elsa sees her… either as soon as she gets in the car or when we arrive home, she will ask, “Bibik dah makan ?”

Sometimes whenever I come home late, after the customary greetings, she would ask me, “Mummy dah makan ?”

She will also be concerned with her darling Abah’s tummy content, “Abah dah makan ?”

Two-three weekends ago I made kari bendi, daging masak merah (resepi dari my darling Jubei… menjadi okay, thank you) and kerabu su-un. The kids came running into the kitchen, baru balik from their class as I set the table. Elsa seeing food gave a whoop of delight and washed her hands. She climbed on the chair, did a survey of the dishes that I made and started scooping su-un onto her plate.

She stopped midway, frowned, looked at me with wide eyes and asked, “Mana ayam untuk U-um, Mummy ?” She knows her abang’s food preference. I shook my head and said there was to be no ayam on the menu that day. She then asked, “U-um nak makan apa ?” I pointed to the beef.

She looked at the food unconvincingly. Then she turned her head and said to her brother, “Um ! Um boleh tak makan beef ? You like beef right ?” She shifted her eyes to me and asked, “Does U-um like beef ?” (She, my little girl likes to ask me, “Do I like that ?” whenever she sees something unfamiliar or new on her plate… he he….). I shrugged.

“Um ! You will like this beef Um. It is yummy ! Come ! Let’s eat…” What a thoughtful little girl I have, making sure that everybody has something they like to eat.

Last week I made chicken chop for dinner, to be accompanied by creamy mashed potatoes and corn kernels. Elsa of course had to set the table and when I laid the food she inspected my offerings.

“Um ! Chicken chop, Um !”

“Um ! Ada mashed potatoes AND gravy !”

“Ada corn Um.. like the one that you like.. !”

Aku nengok je budak kecik ni. She saw me looking, and went, “What ? I was just telling him what he likes …” complete with the cutest shrug ever.

Last Sunday we had dinner at a restarant. 20 minutes after the children’s food arrived, ours still failed to materialize. As I was talking to Dan, Elsa suddenly interrupted our conversation.

“Mummy ? Your food is still not here yet ?”

“Yes…” I answered in a mournful tone.

“Are you hungry ?” I nodded. She looked at her Babah and asked him the same question. Babah nodded. She looked at me again and at then at her Babah, her hand already on her plate. As soon as she opened her mouth, our plates arrived.

Mummy tahu Elsa mesti nak offer her food to us.

You are wonderful, you know that Elsa ?

What is wrong, Um ?

Yesterday I picked up my children from school. We arrived way too early Elsa and I so we sat in the car listening to the radio and talking while waiting for the bell to ring.

We got out of the car exactly at 1 and as we walked, I got a pleasant surprise of seeing my son already walking towards us as he is usually the last to leave the school. He didn’t know I was already there, right in front of him as he walked with his head down. Still his eyes were visible and seeing it I knew immediately that something was wrong.

If only I can describe his face. Seriously first I was struck by how gorgeous he looked. Anak aku, gorgeous le untuk aku…. Sometimes, his baby face would emerge and I would sigh, remembering him as a newborn. Then I could see that he was upset, the way he had his head down, a little frown, eyes troubled and then when he looked up at me, his smiles were somber. But it was the eyes that gave it away.

I think Elsa saw it too as she was very quiet next to me.

“What is wrong, Um ?”

“Nothing…”

“You are upset. Tell me why.”

He hesitated a bit and then, “Tadi kat delam kelas we played football. But since we do not have a ball we used a bottle cap. My friend J tendang the ball kan lepas tu kena my friend I. Sampai berdarah dia punya ibu… errmmm… ibu…” He pointed at his feet. Both Elsa and I looked at where he pointed.

“Ibu jari kaki ?”

“Yes …. And sampai berdarah !”. Elsa gasped.

“Are you hurt Um ? Is it still berdarah ?” She asked, face horrified. He he… aku dah agak dah minah ni. “No lah. Not me….” And she took a long relieved breath and said, “Ohhh…. Your friend ye ?”

Hmmm…. Something just doesn’t add up.

“Why are you upset, then ?” I persisted.

“Because saya kesian dekat dia lah Mummy….” He didn’t look at me when he said that, he faced downward again.

“Um… you are upset about something. Something happened that involved you. That story you told me just now has got nothing to do with you. Tell me what happened to you. You are upset. Cikgu marah ? You did something to make other people angry ? Somebody did something to you ?”

He rolled his head in a resigned manner and started to speak, “I was reading kan and then suddenly my friend D came from behind and terkejutkan saya….”

“Is that all ?”

“Iya.. dia buat banyak-banyak kali… Saya marah lah.”

“Did you tell your teacher about it ?”

“Yes… Tapi cikgu kata biarkan aje…”

Dia diam, aku diam. I am not convinced. There is something my baby is not telling me.

Is he in trouble ? Did he do something wrong ? Or some people did some bad things to him ? Is he being bullied ?

My baby…

Umar got me thinking

Okay… ini cerita sayu pasal anak aku Umar. Mungkin kalau hangpa baca you feel it is nothing, but aku ni... well, aku dok teringat-ingat aje sampai sekarang.

Ahad, we had lunch with Dan’s parents and his sister’s family. Nak balik, all the cucus trooped in Atuk’s car and my children after that followed their cousins home.

Yesterday, in the car with my kids, just the 3 of us, Umar told me of the wonders that there was in his aunt’s house. “Rumah Aunty W kan ada PS3 Mummy !! Best saya main. And dia orang have so many things to play with sebab dia orang tak payah share computer…”

“Really ? Ada berapa bijik computer kat rumah Aunty W ?”

“They have 3 computers and 1 laptop and now the PS3 ! Best kita main !” He said enthusiastically.

“A-ah kan Um ? Best kan kita main ?” Elsa concurred but I could detect a hint of longing in her tone. You know… like wistful.

I sighed. Bila aku bercakap, aku rasa ada sedikit getaran di suara dan hati. Aku tak tahu kenapa aku rasa macam sedih. “Umar, Elsa… I am so sorry that I cannot provide you with all those things. Kita ada computer tapi computer lama… so very slow. And you guys have to share..”

Aku sesungguhnya tak tahu kenapa aku rasa macam ni, rasa macam nak nangis.

“I can’t afford to buy you all those okay and for that I am very sorry.... I am sorry you guys cannot have the fun things that your cousins have… Mak bapak dia orang banyak duit and Mummy and Abah not so….”

In truth, benda-benda tu semua mahal bagi aku sebab aku tak rasa it is important. Ada kawan aku pernah cakap, dia heran giler bapak dia boleh beli the latest BMW tapi nak pasang 2 Astro kat rumah dok merungut mahal. Well aku explained sebab bapak dia rasa Astro tu tak penting but the BMW is. Untuk orang yang tak suka tengok tv, mahal lah nak bayar RM 138 sebulan.

Samalah macam aku. Aku rasa benda tu semua distraction and ada banyak benda lain yang better for my children to pass their time with. Like playing together and conversation and reading and using their imagination to play.

Once Dan whistled for me when I was watching the telly. When I got to him, he pointed to our children sitting side by side blowing bubbles at the patio. Elsa was paddling her feet and Umar was talking non-stop, creating scenarios for the bubbles they blew. It was an awesome sight to me and time well spent.

Although I agree that playing games can also help with a child’s development but it is also very, very addictive. And that to me is the most worrisome aspect of it. This is also why we only have 1 Astro installed eventhough we have 3 tellies. Also I totally refused to have a telly installed in my car. To me that is too much. Look at the sceneries outside for crying out loud. Ada lembu ada pokok and building and architectures that can be admired, live ! Kat rumah tengok tv, dalam kereta tengok tv jugak lagi ?

I remember masa kecik-kecik, my mother would always hambat kita orang pergi sembahyang come Maghrib. “Tutuplah Doraemon tu ! Bising betul. Maghrib-maghrib pi pasang cerita kartun bising lagu tu !”

My dad pulak will say, “Korang ni baguslah. Dalam kubur nanti Munkar Nankir tanya sapa tuhan kamu hangpa ni mesti jawab “TV !” Puuunnng ! Kena pok dengan dengan besi panaih. Padan muka !” Dengar tu kami pun mencanak-canak bangkit pi ambik wuduk. Telly too is very addictive. Lagi lah ni ada channel berpuluh-puluh. Masa ada 2-3 channel pun dak cukup melekap.

And then to buy one for each of my children ? Definitely not. Sharing is the operative word here. Learning to share is very important to me as I believe sharing breeds genorisity. My boss had twice complimented Tan Sri Azman Hashim’s brother for raising a smart and courteous son. I want that. I want smart and courteous children. Self effacing, kind and considerate.

But that doesn’t mean that I find Aunty W’s way is wrong. That is her right. That is her choice. She knows what she is doing as I do know the path I am leading my children to.

Itulah alasan – alasan ku and to tell my children that, well I don’t think they will appreciate it much. But saying I can’t afford to pay for those stuffs is true because I find them very, very expensive.

And then my son speaks, “Mummy… It’s okay. The most important thing is my parents. I have you as my mother and Abah as my father. That is the most important thing, okay ? I don't mind if we don't have those things because I have you and Abah.” And with that he squeezed my arm.

Aku terkedu sekejap. Mata aku dah berair. I looked at him from the rearview mirror and saw him smiling, his face kind.

“That is soooo sweet, Umar…”

He nodded his head, again smiling kindly at me.

“Thank you. I really appreciate that….”

I watched the telly thinking about that very moment, I cooked and talked but my mind kept wandering to that moment. I kept hearing his voice saying it over and over again. I cried a few times.

Hmmm…. Maybe I will reward him with a console. For his birthday next month probably. After all, he did get 100% on his BM kan ?

I really have to think this through.

Dan hati aku ini bertambah sayu dan syahdu.... If syahdu means what I think it means lah...

Ana nangis...

I heard a loud sobbing as I got out of the car yesterday. Sighed. Out came Neti with Ana on her hips.

What now….

“Shaya nak balik…” She sobbed. “Shaya nak mandi kat rumah Tok….”

“La… rumah Mummy takde air ke, Ana ?” Asked I as I held out my hand to take her in my arms. She hesitated a bit before coming to me in full force. “What is wrong, baby girl ?” I asked, my lips on her very thick hair.

“Dia pecahkan gambar kak…” Explained Neti. “Dia takut itu… takut dimarahi...” Ooo…..

“Saya udah bilang Mummy tak marah tapi takut kali dia… Dia mahu pulang….”

Alahai siannya anak Mummy ni. You still don’t get it ke Ana ?

“Ana… Mummy sayang Ana… Mummy saaaaayang Ana, okay ? Ana buat apa pun Mummy sayang Ana… Ana pecahkan kete pun Mummy sayang Ana…”

Her sobs subsided somehow. I kissed her very wet and salty cheeks, feeling like a failure. “Ana Mummy punya jugak kan… So I will never send you away… Okay ? Kalau Mummy marah pun Mummy sayang… Tahu tak ?” She stopped her sobbing and heaving but tears still streamed out of the huge, mournful eyes. Allah, please make her understand.

“Gambar mana yang pecah ?” I asked as I stepped inside the house. She started heaving again. “Never mind, Ana… Just let’s see it…” It was the picture frame of 5 generations of females of my family. My nyang, my grandma, my mom, myself and Elsa. The picture was alright, the frame was broken but there was nothing to roll in the ground with grief for.

“Okay… Ana jangan buat lagi okay ? Nak main, main baik-baik… Jangan sampai jadi lagi… Okay ?” She nodded. I hugged her tight. “Ana nak mandi ?”

“Tak nak… Shaya nak mandi rumah Tok…” Hmmm…. okaylah. I know she still feels insecure.

I took her to the kitchen and switch on the telly. “Ana lapar tak ? Mummy lapar lah…” Said I as I rummaged the larder. Found some rempeyek which was nice. She took one and I took 2. She smiled enquiringly at the other rempeyek in my hand. I offered it to her and she snatched it merrily. Then I remembered the cupcakes I made 2 nights ago so I gave her one. She took a bite and smiled in delight. “Mummy… shaya shuka ini.. Shedap lah Mummy mashak…” I beamed at her. “Iye… shaya shuka bila Mummy mashak….” I took out the chocolate cream frosting and piped some on her cake.

Her eyes widened. “Mum –mee ! Shedapnya !!” She said, legs paddling happily. I hugged her. “Ana sayang Mummy tak ?”

Budak busyuk tak nak mandi....

She nodded happily, leaning against me, fitting herself on the crooks and cranny of my body.

Please remember that, okay ?

Esya is different from Ana. No matter how angry I got, she will always come running back because she knows I love her. Tapi dengan Ana ni susah sikit… Kalau merajuk… I might lose her forever and that is something that I am not willing to face. Not ever.

I don't believe it !

Can you believe it ?

Gosh, I am still in shock.

Very shocked.

Umar got 100% in his BM Pemahaman.

Percaya ?

Me neither.

In fact, his friends didn’t either.

Nor his teacher.

Ha ha….

I looked at the paper for the longest of time while he fidgeted next to me, eyes though never leaving my face.

“Are you happy, Mummy ?”

I looked at him blankly. “Well… are you ?” he asked again.

I was speechless. I can’t say anything. Cat got my tongue. He frowned then he looked worried. Maybe he was thinking dapat market ntah apa-apa kena marah… dapat full marks pun tak happy ?

Thinking about that I forced a smile. It was hard as my face felt heavy like granite. It felt like it was gonna crack as I widen my lips. I was that frozen.

“I need to talk to your father….” Was all I could say.

He looked anxious now. “Is it bad ?” His face and his words thawed me somehow. I was very conscious of every movement that I made as I hugged him. “No… of course not. It is wonderful.”

Babah took like 30 minutes to come home. I tried reading, then watching the telly while I waited for him, but my eyes were drawn to his exam paper. They kept going back at the 100% that was written in red ink.

He knows what menjunjung means. I bought him a few BM novels to read 2-3 months ago so maybe menjunjung was used somewhere in the books.

Babah came home. I ran downstairs and yelled him the news. Umar by that time was doing a little hopping dance in front of him. “Really ? Wow !” every syllable was uttered in extreme happiness. If we were in a cartoon, flowers and birds will come out of Babah’s mouth. Babah hugged him. Well… Babah was better at this than me. He seemed to take it in his stride.

Bah… this is the boy who wrote “Kambing itu membawa berlari.” Was it kambing ? Or was ii kuda… I don’t remember anymore. He also wrote “Budak itu membawa mandi”.

Hmmm….

Just be happy Mummy. He did very well.

He showed Atuk his results. Atuk said Atuk will give him a present. He told us yesterday that after a long, hard think… “I think I want a holiday from Atuk…”

He he…

“Where to ?” Asked me.

“Australia will be nice….”

Good boy.

“Alah… kita pegi Hong Kong Disneyland pun best..” Said Babah.

Heh… he doesn’t know his son, this guy.

“No lah, Bah.. I am not interested in Hong Kong Disneyland..” Ha ha.. told you. He wants to go to Disneyland Paris.

“I prefer the one in Paris…” See ? See ? I am his mommy, kan ?

Good boy.

PS : Bahasa Arab 70%... ke 60%... Hmmm....

Mummy's doa for her Ana

There was this one day I was in the car with Ana. Just me and her, Ana and Mummy. As usual, I seized moments like this to dispense my wise advice. Mak kan…

“Nanti Ana jadi doctor okay ? Bila Mummy sakit, Ana boleh tolong Mummy…”

“Emmm…. Tak nak lah !” She said, sambil tendang-tendang kaki, a big grin on her face.

“Alah…. Why not ? Nanti kalau Mummy sakit, Ana boleh bagi ubat, boleh inject …..”

‘Taaak naaakk !”

“Okay… habis tu Ana nak jadi apa ?”

She smiled. From the smile I knew what she was going to say. “Pin-shesh !”

Tak habis-habis.

“Okay… pin-shesh buat apa ?”

“Buat pin-shesh lah…”

“Yelah… doctor bagi orang sihat…. Tukang masak bagi orang makan… Pin-shesh buat apa ?”

“Piinnn-sheeesh..”She said slowly. “Buat macam ni …” And with that she widen an imaginary skirt and bowed her head, like a courtesy.

He he…..

Mummy doa Ana kawin ngan anak raja (Ya Allah, Melayu kunonya aku, macam dialog Bawang Putih Bawang Merah) sebab Mummy nak nengok Ana kembangkan skirt and drop a courtesy.

Although…. Hmmm…. bukan princesses are the ones receiving the courtesies and not giving them ?