I always refer to my son as ‘my Baby Boy’ when I talk to Elsa. Elsa is used to it and I thought she has accepted it as my pet name for Umar because one day yeah, we were looking for cds at the new cd outlet at Shah Alam Mall. I suddenly realized that I only have Elsa with me and my son was nowhere in sight.
I started to get a bit panicky when I looked around and still couldn’t find him. So I asked my daughter, “Elsa, nampak Um tak ? I cannot see him anywhere…”
She gasped and said, “Is it your Baby Boy, Mummy ? Is your Baby Boy missing ?”
He he… well you get the picture.
I have been picking up my children from school these past 2 days as my sister is plagued with diarrhea. I rushed to pick Elsa up first before I head for Umar’s school. It so happened, today I was a bit late and when I got to Elsa’s, I have only 5 minutes to spare before Umar is let out from school.
I rushed in, saw her and motioned her over. Minah ni pulak sebelum balik, dia nak salam segala cikgu yang ada. I was jumping a bit while asking her to be quicker. As she got nearer, I said “Cepat Ti ! I have to go and pick up my Baby Boy !! Come on !”
As I turned to leave, I heard her mutter, “Asyik-asyik Baby Boy dia…”
Eh ?
As soon as she got in the car, I asked gor a hug. She refused (by folding her arms and shook her body and head, pouting, eyes closed), to my shock, but then relented. We sang all the way to Um’s school but I could see something was troubling her.
We parked and she reached for the door but I stopped her. “Tunggu sekejap. Let us just wait in the car..” She smiled and crancked up the radio.
“Ti…. Are you angry that I call Um my Baby Boy ?” I asked after awhile.
Surprisingly, her face changed and she looked down. I frowned.
“Ti ?”
“Yes…” Her face still facing downwards, looking at her hands. She was withdrawing from me and I was very much mystified by her reaction.
“Why ?”
“Because I don’t think you love me so much…”
Errr….. Aisehman. How do I get myself into this situation ? My eyes never left her face so I could see it became sadder and sadder.
Aku pulak dengan bodohnya pegi jawab, “But that is not true. And besides, you love Abah more than me….” This is a subject that I have always wanted to blog about. I will after this.
She didn’t answer. And I waited.
“You love Abah more than you love me, right ?” And her refusal to answer me is very perplexing as I didn’t think that my daughter at 6 could feel like this. Whatever this means.
I continued looking at her while she remained impassive and played with her hands. Well impassive is a bit of a misnomer because although she didn’t answer me, her face was not something that I can describe except sad. And my heart broke. Well, probably hers is right at that moment too.
She cried. It was so totally unexpected. I mean, she is my clown kan ? Of course she cries, but it was more of anger and mengada-mengada and not this kind of crying that she was doing right at that moment.
I for once was quite lost of what to do. I just looked at her before thinking, “Hey, I should really hold her..” and therefore scooped her up and held her close. I am really sorry for being taken aback, but this kind of emotional moments like this with my daughter had never happened before. And seriously in my very immature thinking, I am to expect maybe in 5 years time.
“Mummy sayang Elsa kan ?” Her tears were heartbreaking. I really did not suspect that she is harbouring those thoughts as we are close, Mummy and Titi. With whom do I spent my before bathing time moments if not with her ? Who waits for me while I bathe ? Who talks to me and linger in the bathroom while I bathe ? Who combs my hair while I was still wet from my shower ? We read and play the piano together. In fact, I spent more time talking to her than I do with Umar. He is a boy for God’s sake and boys don’t do conversation often.
“You are my Clown kan ?” I asked.
“NO !!!” She wailed. Ooppss.. wrong one.
“You are my Little Girl kan ?” Baru angguk. I tell you, I prefer nangis guling-guling than this silent, sobbing. This is more heavy, emo stuffs and harder to handle.
I rocked her and soothed her the only way I know I could, by singing. And she became quiet. Then she extricated herself from my embrace and grinned. Mummy sighed in relieved.
There you go, you are my Clown… I wasn’t wrong there… But, Mummy best remember that she doesn’t like that much.. I suppose, dia pun nak nama manja gak.. he he…
Hai lah…
I started to get a bit panicky when I looked around and still couldn’t find him. So I asked my daughter, “Elsa, nampak Um tak ? I cannot see him anywhere…”
She gasped and said, “Is it your Baby Boy, Mummy ? Is your Baby Boy missing ?”
He he… well you get the picture.
I have been picking up my children from school these past 2 days as my sister is plagued with diarrhea. I rushed to pick Elsa up first before I head for Umar’s school. It so happened, today I was a bit late and when I got to Elsa’s, I have only 5 minutes to spare before Umar is let out from school.
I rushed in, saw her and motioned her over. Minah ni pulak sebelum balik, dia nak salam segala cikgu yang ada. I was jumping a bit while asking her to be quicker. As she got nearer, I said “Cepat Ti ! I have to go and pick up my Baby Boy !! Come on !”
As I turned to leave, I heard her mutter, “Asyik-asyik Baby Boy dia…”
Eh ?
As soon as she got in the car, I asked gor a hug. She refused (by folding her arms and shook her body and head, pouting, eyes closed), to my shock, but then relented. We sang all the way to Um’s school but I could see something was troubling her.
We parked and she reached for the door but I stopped her. “Tunggu sekejap. Let us just wait in the car..” She smiled and crancked up the radio.
“Ti…. Are you angry that I call Um my Baby Boy ?” I asked after awhile.
Surprisingly, her face changed and she looked down. I frowned.
“Ti ?”
“Yes…” Her face still facing downwards, looking at her hands. She was withdrawing from me and I was very much mystified by her reaction.
“Why ?”
“Because I don’t think you love me so much…”
Errr….. Aisehman. How do I get myself into this situation ? My eyes never left her face so I could see it became sadder and sadder.
Aku pulak dengan bodohnya pegi jawab, “But that is not true. And besides, you love Abah more than me….” This is a subject that I have always wanted to blog about. I will after this.
She didn’t answer. And I waited.
“You love Abah more than you love me, right ?” And her refusal to answer me is very perplexing as I didn’t think that my daughter at 6 could feel like this. Whatever this means.
I continued looking at her while she remained impassive and played with her hands. Well impassive is a bit of a misnomer because although she didn’t answer me, her face was not something that I can describe except sad. And my heart broke. Well, probably hers is right at that moment too.
She cried. It was so totally unexpected. I mean, she is my clown kan ? Of course she cries, but it was more of anger and mengada-mengada and not this kind of crying that she was doing right at that moment.
I for once was quite lost of what to do. I just looked at her before thinking, “Hey, I should really hold her..” and therefore scooped her up and held her close. I am really sorry for being taken aback, but this kind of emotional moments like this with my daughter had never happened before. And seriously in my very immature thinking, I am to expect maybe in 5 years time.
“Mummy sayang Elsa kan ?” Her tears were heartbreaking. I really did not suspect that she is harbouring those thoughts as we are close, Mummy and Titi. With whom do I spent my before bathing time moments if not with her ? Who waits for me while I bathe ? Who talks to me and linger in the bathroom while I bathe ? Who combs my hair while I was still wet from my shower ? We read and play the piano together. In fact, I spent more time talking to her than I do with Umar. He is a boy for God’s sake and boys don’t do conversation often.
“You are my Clown kan ?” I asked.
“NO !!!” She wailed. Ooppss.. wrong one.
“You are my Little Girl kan ?” Baru angguk. I tell you, I prefer nangis guling-guling than this silent, sobbing. This is more heavy, emo stuffs and harder to handle.
I rocked her and soothed her the only way I know I could, by singing. And she became quiet. Then she extricated herself from my embrace and grinned. Mummy sighed in relieved.
There you go, you are my Clown… I wasn’t wrong there… But, Mummy best remember that she doesn’t like that much.. I suppose, dia pun nak nama manja gak.. he he…
Hai lah…
6 comments:
Myra,
I totally understand why she feels like that la...
First, U-um is the goody2 one, yg baik2...while she is the naughty2 one, yg byk kerenah...so dia selalu nampak/dengar abg dia kena puji more than her...am I right?
When Muhammad was just a baby, me and my mother called him Sayang Mama / Sayang Tok Mama. Like, "Meh sini Sayang Mama tu... though I didn't mean I love Ayesha less, I can see Ayesha sulked everytime the word is mentioned. She wud go, "Ayesha?". Then I wud HAVE to say, "Ayesha pun Sayang Mama gak". Tu, adik yang baby tu dia jeles. Elsa lagila, yg ada panggilan manja is abang dia, not her..the younger sibling..wajarlah dia menangis.
Bebudak ni sangat sensitif kalau kita beza2kan panggilan depa, tambah lagi sorang ada pet name, sorang takdak... aku yg besaq ni pun akan terasa kalau mak aku panggil adik aku Sayang, and panggil aku Ya saja..hehe. .
So now, anakku2 kitorang panggil kakak and adik ja..senang!
Actually, I panggil dia Little Girl.. Tapi dengan Umar I dak panggil pun Baby Boy depan dia... mengeliat-ngeliat berbagai karang !! Aku yg tak lalu tengok...
Tapi kalau nak diikutkan, Umar yang selalu kena marah... Yelah sebab Umar sudah ada responsibilities and Elsa masih kurang kerja2 yg perlu dilakukan.
Aku pun tak tau lah.. Raya kot... memang waktu hati mudah tersentuh... ha ha
Myra,
I thought likewise. Sbb kat blog u ni asyik cerita Elsa aje, tak abis2 Elsa kurang pasal Um-Um.
So I've always thought Elsa is your favourite one as you have such wonderful mother-daughter bonding with her.
My suggestion is to have more than 2 kids sbb depa dah takdak chance nak merajuk sbb mummy takdak time dah nak pukuk. ahak ahak.
Oh tidak Kak Puteri... I dont think I am having anymore kot now that I have to consider Esya and Ana... But kalau Allah nak bagi of course I terima, tapi to deliberately... he he tak lah kot...
aku pulak nak nangis baca entry ni.
makes me wanna blog abt something similar.. huhu.. tgk aku dah nak nangis dah ni..
huwaaaaaaaaaa
Jangan nangis Konot.. !! Aku tak tau nak handle lagu mana... Blog lah lekaih citer hang.. aku nak baca..
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