I always refer to my son as ‘my Baby Boy’ when I talk to Elsa. Elsa is used to it and I thought she has accepted it as my pet name for Umar because one day yeah, we were looking for cds at the new cd outlet at Shah Alam Mall. I suddenly realized that I only have Elsa with me and my son was nowhere in sight.
I started to get a bit panicky when I looked around and still couldn’t find him. So I asked my daughter, “Elsa, nampak Um tak ? I cannot see him anywhere…”
She gasped and said, “Is it your Baby Boy, Mummy ? Is your Baby Boy missing ?”
He he… well you get the picture.
I have been picking up my children from school these past 2 days as my sister is plagued with diarrhea. I rushed to pick Elsa up first before I head for Umar’s school. It so happened, today I was a bit late and when I got to Elsa’s, I have only 5 minutes to spare before Umar is let out from school.
I rushed in, saw her and motioned her over. Minah ni pulak sebelum balik, dia nak salam segala cikgu yang ada. I was jumping a bit while asking her to be quicker. As she got nearer, I said “Cepat Ti ! I have to go and pick up my Baby Boy !! Come on !”
As I turned to leave, I heard her mutter, “Asyik-asyik Baby Boy dia…”
Eh ?
As soon as she got in the car, I asked gor a hug. She refused (by folding her arms and shook her body and head, pouting, eyes closed), to my shock, but then relented. We sang all the way to Um’s school but I could see something was troubling her.
We parked and she reached for the door but I stopped her. “Tunggu sekejap. Let us just wait in the car..” She smiled and crancked up the radio.
“Ti…. Are you angry that I call Um my Baby Boy ?” I asked after awhile.
Surprisingly, her face changed and she looked down. I frowned.
“Ti ?”
“Yes…” Her face still facing downwards, looking at her hands. She was withdrawing from me and I was very much mystified by her reaction.
“Why ?”
“Because I don’t think you love me so much…”
Errr….. Aisehman. How do I get myself into this situation ? My eyes never left her face so I could see it became sadder and sadder.
Aku pulak dengan bodohnya pegi jawab, “But that is not true. And besides, you love Abah more than me….” This is a subject that I have always wanted to blog about. I will after this.
She didn’t answer. And I waited.
“You love Abah more than you love me, right ?” And her refusal to answer me is very perplexing as I didn’t think that my daughter at 6 could feel like this. Whatever this means.
I continued looking at her while she remained impassive and played with her hands. Well impassive is a bit of a misnomer because although she didn’t answer me, her face was not something that I can describe except sad. And my heart broke. Well, probably hers is right at that moment too.
She cried. It was so totally unexpected. I mean, she is my clown kan ? Of course she cries, but it was more of anger and mengada-mengada and not this kind of crying that she was doing right at that moment.
I for once was quite lost of what to do. I just looked at her before thinking, “Hey, I should really hold her..” and therefore scooped her up and held her close. I am really sorry for being taken aback, but this kind of emotional moments like this with my daughter had never happened before. And seriously in my very immature thinking, I am to expect maybe in 5 years time.
“Mummy sayang Elsa kan ?” Her tears were heartbreaking. I really did not suspect that she is harbouring those thoughts as we are close, Mummy and Titi. With whom do I spent my before bathing time moments if not with her ? Who waits for me while I bathe ? Who talks to me and linger in the bathroom while I bathe ? Who combs my hair while I was still wet from my shower ? We read and play the piano together. In fact, I spent more time talking to her than I do with Umar. He is a boy for God’s sake and boys don’t do conversation often.
“You are my Clown kan ?” I asked.
“NO !!!” She wailed. Ooppss.. wrong one.
“You are my Little Girl kan ?” Baru angguk. I tell you, I prefer nangis guling-guling than this silent, sobbing. This is more heavy, emo stuffs and harder to handle.
I rocked her and soothed her the only way I know I could, by singing. And she became quiet. Then she extricated herself from my embrace and grinned. Mummy sighed in relieved.
There you go, you are my Clown… I wasn’t wrong there… But, Mummy best remember that she doesn’t like that much.. I suppose, dia pun nak nama manja gak.. he he…
Hai lah…
I started to get a bit panicky when I looked around and still couldn’t find him. So I asked my daughter, “Elsa, nampak Um tak ? I cannot see him anywhere…”
She gasped and said, “Is it your Baby Boy, Mummy ? Is your Baby Boy missing ?”
He he… well you get the picture.
I have been picking up my children from school these past 2 days as my sister is plagued with diarrhea. I rushed to pick Elsa up first before I head for Umar’s school. It so happened, today I was a bit late and when I got to Elsa’s, I have only 5 minutes to spare before Umar is let out from school.
I rushed in, saw her and motioned her over. Minah ni pulak sebelum balik, dia nak salam segala cikgu yang ada. I was jumping a bit while asking her to be quicker. As she got nearer, I said “Cepat Ti ! I have to go and pick up my Baby Boy !! Come on !”
As I turned to leave, I heard her mutter, “Asyik-asyik Baby Boy dia…”
Eh ?
As soon as she got in the car, I asked gor a hug. She refused (by folding her arms and shook her body and head, pouting, eyes closed), to my shock, but then relented. We sang all the way to Um’s school but I could see something was troubling her.
We parked and she reached for the door but I stopped her. “Tunggu sekejap. Let us just wait in the car..” She smiled and crancked up the radio.
“Ti…. Are you angry that I call Um my Baby Boy ?” I asked after awhile.
Surprisingly, her face changed and she looked down. I frowned.
“Ti ?”
“Yes…” Her face still facing downwards, looking at her hands. She was withdrawing from me and I was very much mystified by her reaction.
“Why ?”
“Because I don’t think you love me so much…”
Errr….. Aisehman. How do I get myself into this situation ? My eyes never left her face so I could see it became sadder and sadder.
Aku pulak dengan bodohnya pegi jawab, “But that is not true. And besides, you love Abah more than me….” This is a subject that I have always wanted to blog about. I will after this.
She didn’t answer. And I waited.
“You love Abah more than you love me, right ?” And her refusal to answer me is very perplexing as I didn’t think that my daughter at 6 could feel like this. Whatever this means.
I continued looking at her while she remained impassive and played with her hands. Well impassive is a bit of a misnomer because although she didn’t answer me, her face was not something that I can describe except sad. And my heart broke. Well, probably hers is right at that moment too.
She cried. It was so totally unexpected. I mean, she is my clown kan ? Of course she cries, but it was more of anger and mengada-mengada and not this kind of crying that she was doing right at that moment.
I for once was quite lost of what to do. I just looked at her before thinking, “Hey, I should really hold her..” and therefore scooped her up and held her close. I am really sorry for being taken aback, but this kind of emotional moments like this with my daughter had never happened before. And seriously in my very immature thinking, I am to expect maybe in 5 years time.
“Mummy sayang Elsa kan ?” Her tears were heartbreaking. I really did not suspect that she is harbouring those thoughts as we are close, Mummy and Titi. With whom do I spent my before bathing time moments if not with her ? Who waits for me while I bathe ? Who talks to me and linger in the bathroom while I bathe ? Who combs my hair while I was still wet from my shower ? We read and play the piano together. In fact, I spent more time talking to her than I do with Umar. He is a boy for God’s sake and boys don’t do conversation often.
“You are my Clown kan ?” I asked.
“NO !!!” She wailed. Ooppss.. wrong one.
“You are my Little Girl kan ?” Baru angguk. I tell you, I prefer nangis guling-guling than this silent, sobbing. This is more heavy, emo stuffs and harder to handle.
I rocked her and soothed her the only way I know I could, by singing. And she became quiet. Then she extricated herself from my embrace and grinned. Mummy sighed in relieved.
There you go, you are my Clown… I wasn’t wrong there… But, Mummy best remember that she doesn’t like that much.. I suppose, dia pun nak nama manja gak.. he he…
Hai lah…