Happy birthday Abang

Yesterday was Abang’s birthday. Dah besar anak mak…

Sigh…

Yesterday we had dinner and as I watched him reading the menu, he looked so much like he was when he was a baby.

Abang was born in winter. We had moved from our house in Nottingham to Leicester, to be nearer to the university. Tok Mi and Cik Yin arrived like 2 weeks before he did and that very day we had just bought his stroller.

It was about 3 am I think, and we were awake Babah and I because nak sahur. It was Ramadhan when I realized I got a ‘show’. Called the hospital and they advised us to come. Because the hospital is literally belakang rumah, I had just wanted to walk but Tok Mi tak bagi so we called a cab. Cabbies kat UK ada jugak yang garang-garang but luckily one agreed to take us.

Masa tu was about 6 am on the 20th of December 2000. The nurse at the ward asked Babah to go home so I was left in the maternity ward with 6 other people in the room. Then something very weird happened. A story for a different entry.

The nurses kept checking up on me and Babah and Tok Mi and Cik Yin came. Then I had to spend another night. Got a bit scared sebab takut the weird visit happened again. But it didn’t so I was happy.

Dah pagi Babah came to check up on me. The midwife came and brought me to a room. I had forgotten why actually. By then, I was a bit scared because no doctor came to see me. None at all. Just the nurses and the midwives.

Ding dong ding dong dah start rasa contractions. Baru nampak muka doctor sat. Tak rasa apa-apa sangat, though. After about an hour, I started to feel contractions, but nothing that I cannot handle. Masa nilah bersyukur I am a senggugut veteran. Rasa lebih kurang macam senggugut aje.

The midwife suggested for me to take a soak in hot water, led me to a bathroom. I felt better and didn’t really feel the contraction much. Air dah sejuk, got up, cleaned the bathtub a bit then waddled back to my bed. I was induced and my water broke. Wheeled to the delivery room where I begged for epidural. Midwife tak bagi. Too late, she said. Plus it was not in my birth plan. Itulah… gatal… Saw a nice pink and round bathtub in the delivery room and remembering how the hot water lessens the pain, asked for a water birth.

Ha ha…. Midwife took a peek and said, nope we wouldn’t have the time to wait for the tub to fill. A different doctor came to jenguk. “Aaahh…. I can see loads of hair…” She smiled at me. Then she told the midwife, “Please call me when she delivered… I have to see this baby…..” and left. A bit panicked sebab kat Malaysia I was attended by a doctor, kat sini midwife aje ? Sorang pulak tu.

I pushed twice and he was out. My little boy. I was so lega, and happy and tak sabar nak tengok dia. Babah cut the cord, and they cleaned him up. “He is gorgeous….” The lady doctor said. “I love his hair !” Aku sengih aje.

And then they bundled him up and gave him to me. And he was mine. All mine. Babah dia pun cannot claim him as much as Mummy can because he came out of me. Mummy carried him for 9 months, hospitalized twice and was dizzy for 4 whole months so he is all mine.

Baru lahir... Dah masuk dalam ward. Baru terasa nak tiduq.

He was very quiet when he came into this world, even when they smacked his bottom, he let out a small cry and that was it. When I held him for the first time, his eyes were opened and were busy looking around. When he was wheeled out, he was already sucking his hand, eyes huge and very much opened, taking everything in.

We stayed in the hospital for 5 days because I had an infection and they had to put him under observation to ensure that he was not infected too. I could see snow sometimes when I looked outside and it was lovely, just me and my little guy.

His first snow. Please ignore perempuan gemuk sebelah Mak aku tu... entah siapa entah yang enter frame tu...

I remember once, when he was like 10 days old, he was lying on the mattress and I passed him by. His head followed my movement, let out a satisfied sigh and smiled. My mom who saw the incident exclaimed, “Dia nampak kau, Ala….” Ha ha… my boy.

Hati dia ni cepat tersentuh. When he was like 6 months old, we bought a crawling Minnie Mouse and when Minnie sang, dia punyalah sebek we had to send Minnie back to Argos. Sampai sekarang dia macam tu. Pantang Mummy nyanyi dia mesti sebek. Bergenang ayaq mata tu. Kalau Mummy cakap Mummy dah tua lagilah…. Mulalah kalih muka nak sorok ayaq mata…. Tak buleh nak sorok sayang, mata tu besaq sangat….

One of the things he did when he a wee lad was he loves exposing our backs for him to fondly kiss. He would just lift our top a bit then bend down to kiss our back. Kelakar sangat. The first time I put him in a baby carrier, I faced him to the crowd. Not 10 minutes of walking around Leicester City, he started whimpering, thinking that he was all alone. Tak sedar mak dia dekat belakang.

When he was like 1 month old, Tok Mi went home. During her first phone call, I put the phone to his ears so he could hear Tok Mi’s voice. His face lit up and hands were busy swimming around, all excited. Then….sebek….

And now 9 years later, he is all grown. He can’t fit on my lap anymore. Babah cannot put him to sleep on his chest anymore. Hell I can’t bounce him on my knees ages ago. I can’t even get his full attention most of the times. But sometimes, when he lowered his lids, then I can see him when he was fully mine. Or when he suddenly comes over for a hug, then he is mine.

He is going to be 10 next year, the wonder years of friendship and activities and he will forget about me sometimes. And I will lose him a bit. Takpelah…. I had like 7 whole years when he was just mine. I felt him inside me for 9 months and now I have to share, bit by bit with other people who are going to love him. His best friends, his girlfriend (no plural... 1 gilpren dah lah Um...) then ultimately his wife and children.

My baby Abang, my love, my heart and my soul, I pray for your utmost happiness, for your health and for everything to fall into places as you see fit. The world is a brighter place since you are in it.

With his Babah. Babah loves him to bits. Mandi Babah nak buat, ketip kuku sampai sekarang Babah je buleh buat. Tidur pun atas Babah... Kalau sekarang, penyeklah Babah dia.

I remember this day so well. Masa dok siapkan dia masih terjaga, dah selesai tengok2 dah tidoq. Punyalah lama nak bersiap tang winter. Angkut jugak keluaq.

Babah kejenya dukung anak aje... Tak lekang... He used to say to his baby, "Bila kita balik Malaysia, Abang ikut Babah pegi work ye... Duduk diam-diam dalam bag Babah...." Konon. La ni kalau Abang ikut, luruh rambut dia lagi kot... Kah kah !

Babah jugak yang mandikan. Rumah kat Leicester sempit Ya Rabbi. Bath tub pun kena inflatable supaya senang simpan. Sian Abang...

Walking at the Boboli Gardens, Florence. He could walk by the time he was 9 months old. Bercakap ? 2 setengah tahun okay...

His favorite spot at our Leicester home, the windowsill. The window overlooked the building car park, not much but it was our only connection to the outside world. He was playing with his favourite toy, his eczema cream bottle.